Vices of My Soul
by conventgirlvampire
Summary: So many things had changed since high school and she was one of them. For better or worse was yet to be determined. Dark-ish, slightly AU future fic.
1. Overture

**Title:** Vices of My Soul

**Chapter:** 1

**Characters/Pairings:** Rachel Berry, Quinn Fabray, Santana Lopez, OC, FaPezberry, Faberry, Quinntana, Pezberry, Rachel/OC

**Word Count:** 2,022

**Spoilers: **Up to season 3 and aspects of season 4 are canon but there aren't really many spoilers.

**Summary:** So many things had changed since high school and she was one of them. For better or worse was yet to be determined.

**A/N:** Right. First things first: this was originally intended to be a oneshot but I chickened out of coming up with the darker stuff until later, hence no warning yet and this not being a oneshot. Second, there is het stuff of a sexual nature at the beginning but this is a femmeslash fic. Third, the het stuff may return later. My OC is not meant to be a pretty, pretty decoration. That being said, enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it. Never did.

* * *

**Chapter One**

**Overture**

She was not sure how it became like this, how she became like this. She had never intended for it to happen but it had and she wondered, not for the first time, if she was always destined to end up here, to get to this point.

Securing her mask, she dismissed the thought and turned towards the door. Now was not the time for frivolous retrospection and doubt. She had to ensure that no weakness showed, that no benefit was given to her opponents. They would not be able to defeat her if there was nothing they could use to their advantage.

That was a lesson she had learnt a long time ago but had never before taken to heart until she had arrived at that point. The similarities between her past and her present did not escape her but she rarely had time to dwell on them.

Her escort came up to her, arm extended for her to take. Straight cut black suit, tall, golden hair and fair skin, eyes the colour of forest-tinted light, he was the epitome of everything she had wanted back then and yet, the man behind the mask was nothing more than a means to an end.

"How much time do we have until we arrive?" she asked as they made their way towards the car.

He opened the door for her and helped her inside before settling himself and answering in the low voice she had long accustomed herself to, "Three hours, at best. Our host was not made aware of our arrival, as per your request, Miss Berry."

She nodded and leaned into him slightly, her tongue slipping out to lick the shell of his ear.

"You have done well, Caleb. Very well."

He shifted closer to her, careful not to touch her but still lessening the space between them.

"My duty is to serve you and only you."

She leaned back slightly, eyes flashing. She knew this, had made this clear when she had hired him three years ago and yet she hated to be reminded of that, hated to be reminded in such a way of what she had allowed herself to become.

Her hand snaked its way onto his thigh and she found herself revelling at the sharp intake of breath it earned her. There was something about this, about the amount of influence she had on Caleb's body that thrilled her. It was hard to explain but it felt a thousand times better than anything she had had before with anyone and she always sought to use it to her advantage.

"Indeed. How far are you willing to go?" She walked her fingers up closer to his torso, using her other hand to expose his neck to her tongue. "How much are you willing to give me in the name of this so-called service?"

"Anything," he murmured as she nuzzled into the space between neck and shoulder, "and everything. Whatever you wish, I shall provide."

"Indeed." Her fingers caressed crisp fabric before moving towards cool metal as she undid his belt buckle. "And if I were to ask for one night, would you give it to me?"

She rubbed his cock through the material of his boxers as he strained against her, gradually growing harder the more her hand moved. This was new territory for her, new territory for them, and she could not help but marvel at the way he seemed to respond to her.

It was almost as if he was trying to hold himself back, that slow, excruciating build-up testament to his willpower. She had always wondered how far the control he seemed to carry himself with extended and here was proof as to its extent. She could not help but want to test it further, her hand slipping up and over the waistband to grasp at hot, firm flesh.

"If that is your wish," he gritted out, "then I shall grant it."

"You speak like someone who isn't alive right now," she murmured, removing both their masks and moving in to claim his mouth with hers. "I don't know why but you do."

"It is…how I was…raised," he gasped as she ran her fingers lightly up and down the shaft before gripping tightly.

"I haven't met anyone like you before, you know that? You're unique, perfect…"

"And a substitute," he supplied when she trailed off, grasping her face and pulling her closer. "I am a substitute for that person you desire so much but I am willing to give you what you need."

"Are you?" she whispered, pumping up and down, tugging his cock as she brought him closer and closer to the edge. "For how long, Caleb? How long will you let me use you?"

"As long…as…you need, Miss Berry."

"You're too good." She twisted her hand and kissed his neck, lightly pinching his skin between her teeth. "You're too willing. Why?"

"You saved me," he said, coming in her hand. She withdrew it slowly and he offered her a damp wipe from somewhere in his jacket. In silence they both cleaned up and put themselves back together, not sure whether they should address what he had just said.

However, as she pulled on her mask once more, she met his gaze. He was looking at her strangely, a mixture of determination and vulnerability flashing in his eyes momentarily before it disappeared once more. She had seen that expression before on another face in a different time and place and it drew her in now just as it did then.

Reaching up, she stroked his jaw, kissing where her fingers had been lightly.

"I didn't save you, Caleb. I can't save you."

* * *

She stood waiting for the guest of honour to arrive, impatient for this…_event_ to end. How apt it was, in her opinion, to be called a masquerade, something where you could pretend that you were someone else when in fact you were being yourself. She should know. She had done it her whole life.

Her companion shifted restlessly at her side and she had to resist the urge to do something, anything, to stop her moving. Little things irritated her more easily now and it was a struggle to remember that it was not so for everyone else around her. However, she owed it to the woman to allow her this freedom, this impulse.

"You know, if I'd have known that I would be waiting here with your ass for some stuck-up whatever to show her face, I would've stayed in New York where I could at least get laid," the woman said, pulling a smile out from where she was trying to suppress it.

"And who would you have slept with while I was here? Or were you planning on cheating?"

"Bitch, what makes you think you would even be here instead of strapped down in my bed, sucking on my pussy?"

She chuckled, turned on by the image that those words planted in her mind.

"This is important, babe. I couldn't just turn down the invitation when there's a chance to network with real power."

Arms went around her waist and pulled her into a tight, fit body.

"You don't need this, though. Your name alone speaks power, let alone everything else about you."

"S…"

"Look, Q. I know you hate your family name but it's helped you to get where you are while still letting you do what you love. You're an artist, love, but you're also the heir to an empire that stretches from coast to coast."

"The damn bastard expected me to be grateful too. Dunno why. Mom and I were almost out on our asses more times than I could count because he wouldn't live up to his end of the deal and yet there he was, sitting on a nice little sum of money."

"Yeah yeah. Still, what better way to stick it to him than to use it for the very things he hated? I mean, come on. If he knew you traded in your business major for fucking art he would have had a heart attack if he wasn't dead already."

She nodded distractedly, the sudden silence attracting her attention. All during their conversation a buzz had filled the room, providing a background to Santana's words but now it was so silent that she would be able to hear a pin drop.

Maybe that was why the harsh grating of the doors caught her attention almost immediately, allowing her to take in the sight of the newest arrival. She was dressed in a stunning black gown, her mask reminiscent of the old Venetian masks she often studied for her latest collection. The man at her side was dressed to match but she paid him little attention, choosing to focus on the newcomer's figure, something about her achingly familiar.

She watched as the pair walked towards their host and spoke a few words before ascending to the throne set on the raised dais at the end of the room. The man moved to stand just behind and off to the side of it but, with a twirl of material, the woman sat, legs crossed, eyes seeming to scan the room before resting on hers.

"Holy shit," Santana said next to her and she could not help but agree as she found herself moving slowly forward until they were level with the host. There was something about her, something that pulled her as if in a trance and she could not break free of that gaze's hold on her. She did not know if she wanted to.

* * *

Everyone stared at her, just as she had expected, but what she had not anticipated was the gaze of one blonde in particular that seared through her. She had not felt that captive to someone else's eyes in a long time and she wondered why tonight of all nights was different.

Caleb was behind her, a reassuring presence that did a lot to soothe her nerves but he could only do so much when she herself could not look away. She did not even know the woman so why did it feel so familiar and so dangerous?

She needed to be more careful lest she slipped but she did not know how anymore. There was just something about it that made her forget all her careful preparations and defences that were so necessary in this viper's den and she trembled slightly at the thought that someone could reduce her to sheer vulnerability with a single look. It was impossible not to want her and yet she had to hold herself back. She could not afford to lose control now when she was so close to her goals.

"Do you require anything, ma'am?" the host asked, coming up to her. "A drink, perhaps?"

She shook her head, wanting to get rid of this fool. He was a classic example of everything she hated and yet, as was increasingly the case, he was a necessary evil that had to be dealt with.

As she was about to wave him off completely a thought struck her and she called him back. He came preening and smirking, no doubt already trying to come up with some pathetic excuse as to why it was such an honour to be at her service.

"That gorgeous specimen with the wolf's mask," she said, gesturing to the woman in question, "needs to come here. See to it that she makes it to my side before the end of the night."

"Of course, Miss Berry. What of her companion?"

For the first time, she noticed the other woman standing close to the blonde. The way she carried herself belied an air of arrogance but also one of protectiveness, as if her companion were something precious that she could not afford to lose or have damaged in any way. It spoke to something in her that she had buried away long ago, surprising her in how much it showed in her next few words.

"Both of them. I want both of them by the end of the night."


	2. Anger

**Title:** Vices of My Soul

**Chapter:** 2

**Characters/Pairings:** Rachel Berry, Quinn Fabray, Santana Lopez, OC, FaPezberry, Faberry, Quinntana, Pezberry, Rachel/OC

**Word Count:** 3,013

**Spoilers: **Up to season 3 and aspects of season 4 are canon but there aren't really many spoilers.

**Summary:** So many things had changed since high school and she was one of them. For better or worse was yet to be determined.

**Warnings:** Rape and murder in this chapter.

**A/N: **As you can see, I added a warning. That should tell you all you need to know. Um...yeah. So this will have nine chapters in all and I'm going to post as I write. So yeah. I don't really like this chapter but there really is no other way for me to get around starting to explain why and how Rachel becomes what she is and why Caleb is there. Rest assured, however. This is a FaPezBerry fic and that is where it will end. It's just that Caleb is kind of important to Rachel being who she is and I'm shutting up now before I give away the whole thing. This is for those of us writers who get major writer's block. May the odds be ever in your favour.

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it. Never did.

* * *

**Chapter Two**

**Anger**

He shifted restlessly, something building as he anticipated the moment his mistress would announce the first act of this performance. It was there in his blood, waiting, waiting, waiting to surface and play.

They had been warned of this, of course. The chambers in which these performances took place were always underground but there was more to them than that. There was something that always seemed to affect those within. It was something he had dismissed at the time but maybe he should not have. Maybe he should have taken that warning to heart.

She stood and immediately he was at her side, one hand on her elbow, the other at her back. She glanced at him, a silent dismissal, and he stepped back, knowing his place.

"Le théâtre du vice. La première danse. Colère."

Almost immediately he saw red. The violence with which the emotion burst out of him was staggering but he held his ground as wave upon wave of it washed over him, choking him, submersing him in something deep and oppressive until he could no longer breathe.

Sparing a glance at the people before them, he noticed that about half the room felt the same, as if they were going to lash out at something, someone, until they broke. It was unsettling but he could barely feel that beneath the pure rage flowing through him.

"Interesting, isn't it?" her voice asked, her breath fanning over his face as she leaned closer. "There are places like this all over Europe, pockets beneath the earth where things are not as they seemed."

She grasped his face and moved until he was looking at the crowd instead of her.

"Watch as they become overpowered by themselves. See as they let the emotion you try so hard to suppress take them over."

Indeed, it was just like she had said. There was no violence, at least, no one was fighting, but there was something else. It was in the way they moved, the roughness of their touch and the way they treated their partners as they danced, a synchronised anger feeding off of everything and everyone in its path.

"For now, it's just a dance. Later it might be something else, something less deliberate and more natural than this. Can you feel it Caleb? Can you feel the essence of this place?"

He nodded stiffly. Everything she was saying made sense in his mind and he wanted to enter that, to let his anger take over like it had so long ago.

* * *

She watched as he seemed to understand what she was saying and let him go before she did something she regretted. Caleb's was a controlled emotion but years of practice made her better than him and it showed in the way she moved and acted, as if this place had no effect on her.

Only the way her hands shook betrayed her. She longed to grab the blonde who had caught her attention and squeeze that pretty little neck until the life left her eyes much as she had once longed to do to another. The brunette elicited something similar but on a different, much more violent level than the blonde.

Then there was Caleb. Oh, how she wanted to take him, dominate him until he was begging her to end it and let him go. She had always been in control but this was something else, something that had been building for a long time.

* * *

_Brody wrenched her up from where she lay on the bed and threw her against the door. She gasped as the doorknob hit her lower back and pain radiated from the spot. She should have been silent but there was nothing that she could do to prevent the sound from leaving her mouth._

_"You think you can just whore around and get away with it?" He hissed, approaching her, hands already working at the belt he had put on just moments before. "You think I wouldn't know about that kid out there and what he wants to do to you?"_

_"You mean like you and Ms. July?" she shot back. She really should have kept her mouth shut but her mental filter failed her. "What about the others? Kurt saw you, Brody. He saw you coming out of that hotel room."_

_"You don't know what you're talking about and you should really stop talking or use that pretty little mouth of yours for something different."_

_He grabbed her then and forced her to her knees, cock already pushing past her lips. She tried to fight it but he was too strong, had too much of a grip on her to escape. All she could do was submit and wait for it to end._

_"Good girl," he muttered stroking her hair as he thrust over and over again into her mouth once she stopped trying to pull away. "You know that I love you right? That it's only you for me?"_

_She wanted to say no, to say that he was a liar and that she never wanted to see him again, but she could only nod. She needed to protect Caleb from him, needed to keep that boy safe from Brody's anger even as her own rage built with each day this continued._

_ Two weeks later she found herself straddling Caleb's legs as she tended to the bruising over his eyes._

_"I do not know what I did," he was saying before hissing and attempting to pull away. "One minute I was just sitting there watching television and then I'm lying on the ground and he is trying to kill me."_

_She cupped his cheek gently and pulled him to her. He was just sixteen. He did not deserve this. He did not deserve to go from one abusive home into another. She would fix it._

_"Work for me," she said, suddenly. "Work for me and only me and I'll make him disappear. I promise. He'll never bother you again, Caleb."_

_"And what of you, Miss Berry?"_

_"What about me?"_

_"Will you be safe too?"_

_"I will," she replied firmly, a dark mood settling over her, "I'll be safe from him."_

_He tried to get up, saying, "Let me help then. I want to be of assistance."_

_"No."_

_"But –"_

_"No." She pushed him back down. "I won't let you get involved. I'll make a deal with you, though. Become my assistant, do what I say and I will come back."_

_"Yes, Miss Berry. Just so long as you are safe."_

* * *

She shook her head, clearing it of those memories before she could remember exactly what she had done. She could already feel the phantom sensation of a rage remembered and see the same haze of blood that she believed already covered her hands.

She beckoned Caleb forward and pointed to the two women who piqued her interest so much. He nodded and moved forward, her will his as he brought them to her with only a few words and a single bow. He always was charming, even when he was holding everything in.

She waited for them to approach, resuming her seat on the gilded throne as she cast a single glance around the room. There was nothing of much note to begin with but she still found it interesting to behold, the effort put in to resist this initial push at their inhibitions.

She remembered when she had been approached to preside over the ball – no, the performance. She had been wary, of course, having only attended one previously, but she could not deny that she was excited. The world she had been thrust into was one with its own secrets and to be given the opportunity to watch this for herself was something she found herself unable to resist.

That first invitation had brought her to something that had seemed like magic at the time but she knew better now. It was nothing but an illusion, brought on by the remnants of something archaic that penetrated the mind in the dark and only fled once in the light of day again.

Watching the way the women moved triggered something in her, a memory of red pleated skirts and cold drinks, but she pushed it away before her control could crack. One sign of weakness was all she needed for everything to come crumbling down around her and she could not afford to let that happen.

"My queen," Caleb greeted once he was before her, using the traditional title to avoid her identity being known, "may I present the Huntress and the Artist?"

Her lips quirked at that. Few people bothered to hide their identities but these two seemed to recognise the game and knew well how it was played. She appreciated that and she would see to it that they were…rewarded…for their efforts.

Standing, she circled the pair, looking for vulnerabilities she knew she would find. After a few moments of simply observing she was forced to admit that they were good, they were very good at hiding. Not a hair was out of place, not a single wasted gesture to indicate that they were out of control.

Nodding to Caleb, she moved forward and grabbed the blonde by the waist, pulling her forcefully into her side. A single finger trailed down the exposed flesh of her cheek as she watched Caleb restrain her companion.

"There's something about you that raises both my ire and my need," she murmured, as she dug her nails into the Artist's neck. "I want to destroy you and bring you to the edge all at once. Tell me why."

"I…I don't know," the woman breathed and she recoiled, that voice so familiar, so…missed, and yet all too dangerous.

"I know you and I shouldn't but I still want to fuck you into oblivion," she hissed more to herself than to the woman. "I want to make you scream before I drive a blade straight through your poisonous little heart. It would give me the greatest pleasure after all the pain you put me through."

She motioned to Caleb and switched places, noting the tanned skin and vicious eyes of her new prey, noting the now recognisable scowl that adorned her face. She should have seen it before but she never had that skill with these two.

"You think I'll hurt her, don't you?" She ghosted light fingers over the collar of her dress, seemingly enticed by the rise and fall of golden breasts to seek lower, dipping just beyond the material. "You believe that I want to mar such perfection."

"If you do I'll kill you."

"What? No threat involving Lima Heights Adjacent? No disparaging comments about my height? My how we have grown."

She pulled away just enough to meet her eyes.

"I won't hurt you. Not with anger. Tonight is about breaking you. And her. I want you to beg for mercy before we're finished with this extended darkness, to beg me to stop because you can't take it anymore. I want you to enjoy it until you beg me not to leave you though you cry out for rest. Only then will I be satisfied."

"And what then? You dispose of us?"

"No. That would be too easy." She leaned in and kissed her roughly, teeth and tongue with no trace of affection. "No, I think I'll make you mine. I'll take the very thing you value most and keep it.

"Won't that be a pretty sight? You and her attending to my every whim? Submitting to my every demand?"

"What happened to you Ber–"

"Don't," she said, a hand flying to the woman's neck and squeezing much as she had done with the blonde. "Don't you dare say my name. Not here and not in this place where I am in control and you are little more than peons brought forward for my entertainment and my entertainment alone. You are nothing here and you will continue to be nothing until I deem it otherwise."

"Why? What are you going to do here that won't get your ass flayed in the press if it ever came out?"

"You don't know what I'm capable of, what I'm willing to do to protect myself."

* * *

_"I know you don't think much of me but thank you."_

_She did not look at the woman sitting opposite her, too busy examining the keys and the documents in front of her. She needed everything to be perfect. It had to be. There were just too many things that could go wrong and she could not afford to fail. She stood to lose everything if she did._

_"Don't sell yourself short, Schwimmer. Back then I thought you had no backbone. I still thought that until a week ago when you asked for my help. You're no longer a little girl and it's high time you started acting like an adult."_

_She flinched but let the words wash over her. Cassie's opinion was no longer as important as it used to be two years ago when they first met. Now it was just an opinion. She agreed, though. It was time to start acting like the adult she was supposed to be._

_"Would an adult do this, though?" she murmured quietly, fingers twitching as she tried to convince herself that she needed to do this. "Would an adult really risk this much?"_

_"Do what? I don't know what you're planning but I can tell you this. As much as I bully and belittle you and the other members of my classes, I would not wish on any of you the things you've told me about. Besides, you have that kid in your apartment to worry about, don't you?"_

_She nodded and stood up. "We'll meet again to discuss my grades and what I can do to improve them later, I assume?"_

_"Of course."_

_As Rachel left the restaurant where she had met her teacher, she had to smile to herself. How Cassie July and her mother had met she would never know but mentioning Shelby's name a year ago had resulted in the two becoming friends, at the least. It also meant that she had access to certain…contacts of Cassie's that she would not have had otherwise._

_She ducked down into the nearest subway and headed to the platform to wait, knowing that the train she needed would be there soon. It was only when she had boarded that she let her smile drop, the weight of what she was about to do finally becoming apparent._

_It was only when she was close to NYADA that she got off and even then she did not head into the school. Instead, she went into a deli two blocks away and sat down to wait. Fortunately, it was not long before she was joined by the person she was due to meet._

_"Mom."_

_"Rachel."_

_"Who's your friend?" she asked, nodding to the man sitting next to her. He was dressed in a black business suit, shades hanging from the knot of his tie._

_"David. Cassie told me you wanted help from the Irish Mob, Rachel. I wasn't going to let you go to them alone so I called in a favour. David will help you with whatever you need."_

_"Will he?"_

_"Brody Weston has been under surveillance by our people for quite a while, Miss Berry. When your mother came to us we did some research into your background and discovered that you were living with him. I assume that whatever you need happens to be affected by this arrangement?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Very well. What exactly do you need?"_

_She opened her mouth to answer but paused, looking to Shelby uncomfortably. David seemed to understand her discomfort and nodded._

_"I see. Miss Corcoran, I believe your daughter and I will have to conduct business elsewhere. I can assure you that no harm will come to her and I will have my people monitor her situation until she is safe."_

_"Are you sure?"_

_"You have my word."_

_This seemed to reassure Shelby and she relaxed. During the next few weeks Rachel was thankful that she had decided to give her mother another chance because the training she received was invaluable in getting her what she wanted._

_When the night her plan was to be executed came, she was prepared. Making the appointment was easy. All she had to do was disguise her voice, send a few faceless pictures of her body and Brody came to her like a dog to a bone._

_That night was one that she would never forget. It was all there in her mind, the way he tried to dominate her only to fail as she slipped out of his grasp, the smooth glide of the blade into his ribs, making it harder for him to breathe as she punctured a lung. David was there too, providing the muscle she needed to move him to the basement of the townhouse they were using._

_"Are you sure about this?" he asked her as he cuffed the struggling man before attaching him to a chain that ran from one of the supporting pillars to the centre of the room._

_"I know it's not exactly your style but this is what I want," she said, walking up to Brody, the knife gliding against his skin as she carved a path from his chest to his waist. "You know all about that, don't you babe? After all, you made me into this."_

_The next cut, then the next and finally the last one were made so that his torso had what appeared to be a star or an asterisk on it. Stepping back to admire her work, hands dripping with the blood that now covered it, she smiled._

_"He should bleed out, don't you think?"_

_It was only later that week when she landed the role of Velma in the current run of _Chicago_ that she was able to laugh again._

* * *

"Fortunately," she said, pulling away completely, "you don't have to. Not yet anyway."


End file.
